Thank you, Mr. CEO

You see, there's this God-guy, and I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I'm not sure when it happened but in the past few weeks I've discovered that my list of names for God could be compiled like this:

Provider
Teacher
Leader
Provider
Helper
Giver
O yeah, and Provider

I've come to realize that I've spent much of the recent months viewing God like the head honcho of the financial department of life's company. I have a morning pep rally to let him know what the business looks like, show him where the numbers need crunched, ask him to beef up the support a little, and add a side note of praise for the success of the business so far. At night I give him a pat on the back congratulating him for another injury-free, in-the-black day (or a subtle reminder on the in-the-red-days) and hit the hay. 

As I've been thinking about this problem...this "provider" problem, wherein God is Mr. CEO in a starched suit who shows up long enough to read and critique P&L reports, I've come to realize that that's not actually who God is or wants to be at all. Sure, his name is Provider. That's obvious in the Bible and very obvious in my life. But if my son looked at me for nothing but the next meal (he has his days!) I would work hard to help him understand that I want to be more than a feeding machine for him. I want our little Wesley to find comfort, joy, humor, fun and adventure when he's with me. I want to be giggly with him, and snuggle, and teach him and enjoy watching him discover. I want him to know me as more than just a provider.

When it comes to God, the word "friend" comes to mind, which is a really cool word, and the idea of being friends with God is pretty mind-boggling. If I'm completely honest with myself (putting all Christian expectation aside), I'm not sure if I treat God like a friend most days. When I call my friends I usually laugh sometime before I hang up the phone. Sometimes when I'm with them I get so giggly I have tears streaming down my face (Havilah has that affect on me). We give each other advice, talk about life; sometimes we talk about money and business. I may even ask them for a favor and some days they give me gifts that are unexpected. I wonder when the last time was that I forgot about the list of needs I want to share with God and just laughed at something he created (like the donkey that yodels and screams almost every morning...how on earth did God come up with that noise?!)? Or talked to him just to share my take on life? Or stopped concentrating on Mr. CEO and concentrated for a second on the part of him who wants to be my bestie?

I want my list of names for God to drastically change this next year; not because I can open the Bible and find words written on a page describing God, but because I have experienced him in those ways and know him for real like that. I may keep his title of CEO because it's just a pretty inspiring thought that God is CEO of our life, but I'd like to get him away from the office and out to dinner, so to speak. Eat a favorite meal with him. Talk about kids and marriage and families and the snow storm that's supposed to be coming. I'd like to giggle with him and find out his favorite color, his biggest passion, and what made him come up with the idea of my life. I'd like to tell him how often Wesley leaks through the last package of off-brand diapers I bought, ask him a tip on helping with teething and see if he has a good book to recommend. I'd like his take on wheat-free recipes, clothing styles and good deals on saddles. I want to share with him my ideas for a new quilt, my plans for Warren's birthday, and the absolutely incredible feelings I get when I spend time with my husband. And I really want to know what on earth was going on in his mind when he gave that donkey his voice! 

I'm so very thankful that God is such an outstanding provider. It takes a load off my mind to know that he is in charge of finances and is perfectly capable of filling his polished CEO shoes. I'm also very thankful that he's lately refused to stay in his pinstripe suit and stuffy tie. I'm so glad he's invited himself over to my little kitchen to sit on my wobbly chair, eat my sugar-free diet, enjoy my entertaining husband and grinning baby, and experience life in this little apartment of ours, surrounded by dreams and the partnership of two people who are fiercely committed and passionately in love with each other. 

Now that sounds like a best friend.

Thank you, Mr. CEO!

Six months old!

Gift wrapping 101

First, you choose which gift you're going to wrap. 

The stuffed puppy looks like fun.

Then lay it on the wrapping paper Mom spread out.

 Wish it goodbye one last time!

Be very helpful by handing Mama the tape...

...after you've tasted it, of course.

Then get right back to work choosing a label.

When you're all done, kick back and have a snack. That was hard work!

God & the matching M&M's

So tonight Warren made the excellent suggestion that we should make some kind of edible Christmas treat to give to some of our clients and the guy we rent stalls from. Of course, as explained in my previous post, I haven't brought any sugar into my house this season because of treating candida. But, with his suggestion I went to the store and bought supplies to make white chocolate covered pretzels with M&M's. The entire time I was walking up and down the isles I was talking to myself, trying to muster up enough resolve not to eat what I was about to make. 

As I was driving home, I said to God, "Okay, God, I can splurge a little. I'll eat every pretzel that has all three of the M&M's in the same color." Surely I would have at least a few that happened to have all matching M&M's.

Upon arriving at home I proceeded to make my creation. I didn't pay attention to what color of M&M's were going onto the pretzels. When I got done, I searched the two trays.

Can you spot it? That's right: between both trays there was just one pretzel that had all matching M&M's. 

I couldn't believe there was only one! I laughed and could 

hear God chuckling  and saying, "I care about your health too! 

But I want you to have a treat."

Hmmm...you sound very much like my husband. Thanks, God!

Christmas with Candida

Sleet is falling on the windshield of our excessively warm car. Wesley is asleep in his carseat. Warren is doing chores in the freezing cold wind and I can see him blow into his bare hands after moving the water hose to another tank. I'm sitting here waiting on him so we can go into our cozy house and spend the evening together. 

On days like this when a blizzard is coming and its so warm and welcoming inside, I really, really want to bake. I can almost taste banana oatmeal cookies or snickerdoodles or those amazing homemade thin mints I always make with the sisters. I want to make gingerbread houses and cover them in gooey frosting and so much candy you can't see the gingerbread!

This year Christmas baking is different at the Jennings house. I'm aggressively treating candida which means no wheat or sugar. Not just like no desserts...no sugar in any form (bye bye fruit!). I'm kind of having a hard time realizing that Christmas is less than a week away because I haven't allowed a grain of sugar into my house for fear of giving in to one of these terrible cravings for anything but meat and vegetables. I have to admit...Christmas with no Christmas baking is rather un-festive. I've been trying to figure out what I'll be bringing to Christmas get-togethers this year and the first thing that comes to mind is a candida-killing substitute for the Bavarian mint creme cheesecake, pecan pie, peanut squares and decorated sugar cookies: a vegetable tray. That's...colorful, right? Crunchy. Fresh. Full of vitamins. I mean, everyone knows we should choose vegetables instead of sugar, anyway. 

I'm attempting to talk myself into this. It's not really working. 

If I had not been suffering from candida for fifteen years already, I might lose all resolve and call it quits. Instead, as my shivering husband gets into the car and drives us up to the house, I'm thinking up a healthy, sugar-free idea for supper, and I'm going to leave the Christmas recipes in the book til next year. 

Really, though; who in their heart of hearts doesn't wish they could have carrots instead of cheesecake, peppers instead of peanut squares, broccoli instead of Bavarian mints, and squash instead of sugar cookies? 

Yep, still not working...

Five months old!

You may think this is just a picture of Warren and Wesley hanging out on the couch.

Then you'll notice how enthralled Wesley is by the magazine they're looking at.

Then you'll see what's captivating his attention is a horse.

Then you'll realize that this horse is a sorrel.

And Warren is proudly smiling.

I may be losing the battle.