Busy?

I've been thinking a lot lately about the basis on which people are considered successful. What is success, anyway, and who decides whether or not you're successful? Is success a certain status quo or social standing? Is it defined by money, popularity or accomplishment? 


As I've been pondering this I've surprised myself with my conclusion: in our current society I think what defines success much of the time is actually busyness. People are really, really busy these days. 


Warren and I have been talking about the family we hope to have someday and the patterns we want to set in our marriage right now that will effect our family forever. One of the things we want to be deliberate about is not to be busy. We don't want to sign up for every activity, every sport, every committee, every volunteer opportunity, every church event. We want to serve our community and love people but we first want to serve and love our family by giving the majority of our time to each other and our children.


My life before marriage was very, very busy. Along with having a normal life I traveled 35 weeks a year, which meant packing and unpacking for days before and after a trip. I'm a novelist, which takes hundreds, if not thousands of hours of energy and time put into my books. I've written songs and gotten into horses. I try to be careful in taking time to be an aunt, a sister, a daughter and a friend. I've cleaned houses for extra cash, babysat, and helped others with their finances as a ministry. I've been the financial manager for Simple Grace Ministries for many years, which included paying bills, making deposits, executing a debt reduction plan, following guidelines for 501(c)3 donation receipting, reconciling, balancing, fundraising, reporting...the list goes on and on. Last year, amidst all of this I also planned our wedding. There was literally never a waking (or often sleeping) moment when I couldn't write a list a page long of things that absolutely had to be done.


You can imagine what an adjustment it was to get married, have all of my income provided by my husband, move to a two bedroom apartment and stop traveling! Even though its very different and there are some times I miss being on the road and with my parents and siblings, I love my new married life. I'm learning...slowly...that it's okay to not be so busy.


Here at our new home I clean and cook and sew a lot. I write and I still manage Simple Grace's finances. I buy groceries, mail letters, pay bills, decorate, do chores and help Warren advertise the horses we currently have for sale. However, none of this causes stress. Warren loves it when I get to take a nap while he's at work (he's the most self-sacrificing person I know), and he likes me to work on my book or find a new creation to bake. One day last week I'd had an unusually hectic day which involved unexpected company, delayed errand-running and a rainstorm while I was trying to wash the car. When Warren came home from work I had no idea what I was making for supper and I hadn't straightened the house. I felt like he had done his job at work that day and I hadn't accomplished anything. However, he promptly told me what he always tells me...his expectation for me is to enjoy being a wife who doesn't have to earn a living, can relax, should sleep if I need it, and is the delight of my husband just because I'm his wife. O ya, I forgot. I don't have to be busy. Busyness doesn't equal success.


It may take a long time to change my definition of success. Several years from now I may wake up in the morning and not instinctively begin making a mental list of everything that needs to be done, as if not washing the sheets one more day will cause a catastrophic tragedy in the universe. If I were married to any less of a man than Warren Jennings I'm rather sure this renewed definition would never actually happen. Being delighted in just because I exist and not because I accomplish is the most outstanding, Jesus-reflecting experience I've ever had. 


I want to be a successful person. According to my husband I'm an extremely successful person. Does that mean my life is full of busyness? No. My life is productive but its not busy. In fact, its just the opposite because I'm learning something that goes against popular belief:


Busyness doesn't equal success.